Wednesday 15 February 2006

Makna Cinta

This is a story which I read over the Internet… Jan tanya sia di mana sebab sia inda sempat sudah mo ingat link dia because I saved this in my HD.
Suami saya adalah seorang yang sederhana, saya mencintai sifatnya yang alami dan saya menyukai perasaan hangat yang muncul di perasaan saya, ketika saya bersandar di bahunya yang bidang. Tiga tahun dalam masa perkenalan, dan dua tahun dalam masa pernikahan, saya harus akui, bahwa saya mulai merasa lelah, alasan-alasan saya mencintainya dulu telah berubah menjadi sesuatu yang menjemukan. Saya seorang wanita yang sentimentil dan benar-benar sensitif serta berperasaan halus. Saya merindukan saat-saat romantis seperti seorang anak yang menginginkan permen. Tetapi semua itu tidak pernah saya dapatkan. Suami saya jauh berbeda dari yang saya harapkan. Rasa sensitif-nya kurang. Dan ketidakmampuannya dalam menciptakan suasana yang romantis dalam pernikahan kami telah mementahkan semua harapan saya akan cinta yang ideal.
Suatu hari, saya beranikan diri untuk mengatakan keputusan saya kepadanya, bahwa saya menginginkan perceraian.
“Mengapa?”, tanya suami saya dengan terkejut.
“Saya lelah, kamu tidak pernah bisa memberikan cinta yang saya inginkan,” jawab saya.
Suami saya terdiam dan termenung sepanjang malam di depan komputernya, tampak seolah-olah sedang mengerjakan sesuatu, padahal tidak. Kekecewaan saya semakin bertambah, seorang pria yang bahkan tidak dapat mengekspresikan perasaannya, apalagi yang bisa saya harapkan darinya?
Dan akhirnya suami saya bertanya, “Apa yang dapat saya lakukan untuk merubah pikiran kamu?”
Saya menatap matanya dalam-dalam dan menjawab dengan pelan,”Saya punya pertanyaan, jika kau dapat menemukan jawabannya di dalam perasaan saya, saya akan merubah pikiran saya: “Seandainya, saya menyukai setangkai bunga indah yg ada di tebing gunung. Kita berdua tahu jika kamu memanjat gunung itu, kamu akan mati. Apakah kamu akan memetik bunga itu untuk saya?”
Dia termenung dan akhirnya berkata, “Saya akan memberikan jawabannya besok.” Perasaan saya langsung gundah mendengar responnya.
Keesokan paginya, dia tidak ada di rumah, dan saya menemukan selembar kertas dengan oret-oretan tangannya dibawah sebuah gelas yang berisi susu hangat yang bertuliskan……
“Sayang, saya tidak akan mengambil bunga itu untukmu, tetapi ijinkan saya untuk menjelaskan alasannya.”
Kalimat pertama ini menghancurkan perasaan saya.
Saya melanjutkan untuk membacanya.
“Kamu selalu pegal-pegal pada waktu ‘teman baik kamu’ datang setiap bulannya, dan saya harus memberikan tangan saya untuk memijat kaki kamu yang pegal. Kamu senang diam di rumah, dan saya selalu kuatir kamu akan menjadi ‘aneh’. Saya harus membelikan sesuatu yang dapat menghibur kamu di rumah atau meminjamkan lidah saya untuk menceritakan hal-hal lucu yang saya alami. Kamu selalu terlalu dekat menonton televisi, terlalu dekat membaca buku, dan itu tidak baik untuk kesehatan mata kamu. Saya harus menjaga mata saya agar ketika kita tua nanti, saya masih dapat menolong mengguntingkan kuku kamu dan mencabuti uban kamu. Tangan saya akan memegang tangan kamu, membimbing kamu menelusuri pantai, menikmati matahari pagi dan pasir yang indah. Menceritakan warna-warna bunga yang bersinar dan indah seperti cantiknya wajah kamu. Tetapi Sayang, saya tidak akan mengambil bunga indah yang ada di tebing gunung itu hanya untuk mati. Karena, saya tidak sanggup melihat air mata kamu mengalir. Sayang, saya tahu, ada banyak orang yang bisa mencintai kamu lebih dari saya mencintai kamu. Untuk itu Sayang, jika semua yang telah diberikan tangan saya, kaki saya, mata saya tidak cukup buat kamu, saya tidak bisa menahan kamu untuk mencari tangan, kaki, dan mata lain yang dapat membahagiakan kamu.”
Air mata saya jatuh ke atas tulisannya dan membuat tintanya menjadi kabur, tetapi saya tetap berusaha untuk terus membacanya.
“Dan sekarang, Sayang, kamu telah selesai membaca jawaban saya. Jika kamu puas dengan semua jawaban ini, dan tetap menginginkan saya untuk tinggal di rumah ini, tolong bukakan pintu rumah kita, saya sekarang sedang berdiri di sana menunggu jawaban kamu. Jika kamu tidak puas dengan jawaban saya ini, Sayang, biarkan saya masuk untuk membereskan barang-barang saya, dan saya tidak akan mempersulit hidup kamu. Percayalah, bahagia saya adalah bila kamu bahagia.”
Saya segera berlari membuka pintu dan melihatnya berdiri di depan pintu dengan wajah penasaran sambil tangannya memegang susu dan roti kesukaan saya.
Oh, kini saya tahu, tidak ada orang yang pernah mencintai saya lebih dari dia mencintai saya. Itulah cinta, di saat kita merasa cinta itu telah berangsur-angsur hilang dari perasaan kita, karena kita merasa dia tidak dapat memberikan cinta dalam wujud yang kita inginkan, maka cinta itu sesungguhnya telah hadir dalam wujud lain yang tidak pernah kita bayangkan sebelumnya. Seringkali yang kita butuhkan adalah memahami wujud cinta dari pasangan kita, dan bukan mengharapkan wujud tertentu. Karena cinta tidak selalu harus berwujud “bunga”.

Monday 13 February 2006

Unknown Inspirational *Thingy* For Monday

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said… NO.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever and he said… NO.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a NO.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said….

You’re not pretty but you’re beautiful.
I don’t want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn’t cry if you walked away… I’d DIE…

Friday 3 February 2006

They Don't Ever Cost a Thing


  1. If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don’t fade from the lives we’ve touched.
  2. Breathe. Then be so happy that it escapes from your bones and your heart will beat in ways that it didn’t before.
  3. I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.gossip girl quotes | Tumblr
  4. It feels so good to know that you’re not alone anymore. To be all alone again? A little hard, I guess. There are times when you’re broken into pieces. Don’t even feel like you still exist. Why are we  so fragile? Some people just continue to stay with what hurts them the most. At the end of the day, I guess no-one wants to feel empty inside. Maybe, that’s why some people find moving on is so hard to do.  Something that has hurt you once will hurt you again. Haven’t we learned anything?
  5. You are proof that God is an artist. He took you and took your sin. He made you clean, washed white with blood. You became a canvas for Him to paint images of grace and glory upon. you became a blank page for Him to write sonnets of peace and love, and He named you worthy. You became a stone slab which God is now chipping away at, creating in you a new heart and shaping you into who you were always meant to be: His child. God is an artist.
  6. I want my heart and my passions to be the most beautiful things about me. she
  7. Two things you will learn in life: one, that the sound of someone else’s heartbeat next to your own is like putting a shell to your ear and hearing the ocean’s roar and echo inside of it. And two, the best kind of naked is when you’ve undressed, not for sex, but understanding- when the person in the same room watches you remove your jeans or your t-shirt, and they don’t want to see the skin underneath, they want to see your soul.
  8. I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.
  9. The world is heavy, but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 pounds. Ounce for ounce, they are stronger than steel. Atom for atom, you are more precious than diamonds, and stars have died so that you may live. You need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless.
  10. Sometimes, you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there, thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly, you just don’t feel lat home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably  wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. there used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else, but just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you feel are foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again, but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much as a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.
  11. The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be ignited.
  12. There are so many fragile things, after all. People break easily, and so do dreams and hearts.
  13. We mistake sex for romance. Guys are taught that pushing a girl against a wall is romance. Sex is easy. Romance is when someone you like walks into a room and they take your breath away. Romance is when two people are dancing and they fit together perfectly. Romance is when two people are walking next to each other and all of a sudden, they find themselves holding hands and they don’t know how that happened.
  14. I can’t say that I’m mad at you, because I’m not. I can’t say that I hate you, because I don’t. And I can’t say that I’m done or that I’ll never talk to you again, because I know that I’m not. And I know that I will. But I can say that I hope and that I pray, that if you really do care about me at all, like you claim that you do, that you will stop setting me up, that you will stop saying things that you know you don’t mean. 
  15. One of the saddest things in the world is when two people, who at one time, knew everything about one another, act like strangers.When the ground starts shaking, you gotta know when you got a good thing.
  16. We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art, because we desperately do not want to be alone. We want to know we aren’t going crazy and someone else out there knows exactly how you’re feeling. We want someone to explain the things we can’t.
  17. Looking back over a lifetime, you see that love was the answer to everything.
  18. One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” ( I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil- lighthouse of your universe- as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.” One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing, “So you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?” “Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more.“
  19. What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.
  20. When you love someone, there’s a pattern for the way you come together. You might not even realize it, but your bodies are choreographed; a touch on the hip, a stroke of the hair. A staccato kiss, break away, a longer one. It’s a routine, but not in the boring sense of the word. It’s just the way you’ve learned to fit.


A Worm Regard To A Friend

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find. You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok.Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye…..

Worm regard,
Ah Beng

p.s. So hilarious! I e-meow you, you e-meow me… Ya, meow meow~

Thursday 12 January 2006

Aku Seorang CEO

Ingin aku ceritakan sedikit tentang kisah hidup aku. Aku dilahirkan di dalam sebuah keluarga yang sederhana. Kedua ibubapa ku adalah guru.

Alhamdulillah. Aku dianugerahkan oleh Allah akal yang cerdik. Dalam usia 18 tahun aku telah mendapat biasiswa untuk melanjutkan pelajaran ke luar negara iaitu di negara matahari terbit, Jepun. Aku mengambil jurusan Kejuruteraan dan masa beberapa tahun disana aku fasih bertutur dalam bahasa Jepun.

Selepas bertungkus- lumus hampir 5 tahun akhirnya aku berjaya mendapat segulung Ijazah. Aku tidak terus balik ke tanah air sebaliknya aku mengambil keputusan untuk terus menetap di sini dan bekerja untuk mengambil sedikit pengalaman. Dalam usia semuda 23 tahun aku bekerja sebagai Eksekutif di sebuah firma terkemuka Jepun.

Aku cepat menyerap segala ilmu yang dipelajari semasa bekerja di sini. 3 tahun lebih bekerja akhirnya aku mendapat kepercayaan pihak pengurusan dan dinaikkan pangkat dari Eksekutif ke penolong pengurus dan seterusnya menjadi Pengurus termuda didalam Firma tersebut. Hampir 6 tahun bekerja dis ana akhirnya aku diarahkan oleh majikan aku untuk pulang ke Malaysia.

Mereka telah melakukan pelaburan di Malaysiadan telah membuka sebuah Firma baru di sini dan akulah orang yang paling layak untuk mengendalikan firma mereka disini. Alahamdulillah… Aku dilantik sebagai Pengarah Urusan.

Aku bekerja siang dan malam… bertungkus lumus… dunia aku hanyalah di pejabat. Sekarang aku mempunyai 3 orang cahayamata anugerah tak ternilai dari Allah SWT. Tahun demi tahun aku semakin sibuk dengan urusan kerja. Firma yang aku kendalikan telah bertambah maju dan akhirya disenaraikan di papan kedua bursa saham Kuala Lumpur. Tidak sampai 7 tahun beroperasi sekali lagi kami telah disenaraikan ke papan utama BSKL. Hasil penat lelah selama ini ahkirnya berbaloi…. Aku dilantik sebagai CEO tempatan pertama di firma ini dengan bergaji sebanyak RM38 ribu bersih sebulan beserta 3 buah kereta mewah… Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Dalam usia 46 tahun sebagai CEO….aku mula terasa kehilangan sesuatu!!!!!

Kebahagian keluarga…. Kesibukan aku menyebabkan aku serahkan segala tugas sebagai seorang ayah kepada isteriku. Hubungan aku bersama keluarga renggang. Anak-anak aku tak terurus…yang sulung dah tak macam orang…rambut warna merah… bertindik di hidung. Apabila tiba waktu makan malam sudah tidak bersama lagi.

Segalanya kucar kacir. Pelajaran mereka pun entah kemana… Aku terlalu sibuk di pejabat. Meeting sanasini. Lunch pun nak meeting….main golf pun bincang pasal kerja…..dinner pun meeting lagi!!!!… sampai tiada masa untuk bersolat!!

Setiap pagi aku kena periksa segala lapuran-lapuran eksekutif aku…sebelah petang kena buat report pada Board of Directors. Sembahyang 5 waktu aku tunggang terbalik…. kekadang buat.. kekadang terlupa… masyaallah!!!! Setiap hari ada temujanji bersama client aku dari Jepun.

Aku mungkin kaya…tetapi jiwa aku kosong…kadang kala jiwa aku tertekan!!! Bila aku pulang ke rumah lewat malam aku bersolat…. aku menangis… aku memohon doa kepada Allah semoga diberikan ketenangan jiwa. Semoga keluarga ku bersatu kembali.

Selang seminggu aku bernekad…! !!! Aku telah meletakkan jawatan ku sebagai CEO. Aku tinggalkan gaji aku sebanyak RM38K sebulan dan aku pulangkan kesemua kereta-kereta mewahku pada syarikat. Keluarga ku terkejut. Isteriku menangis…. tetapi bukan menangis marahkan aku meninggalkan jawatan sebagai CEO… tetapi menangis kerana gembira… mereka gembira akhirnya aku kembali kepada mereka..!!!

Aku beritahu mereka aku ingin berniaga sendiri. Buka gerai jual Kuew Teow Goreng..!!!! Aku diketawakan oleh mereka…. tak apa aku akan buktikan yang bekas CEO akan lebih berjaya dengan berniaga kuew teow goreng !!!!

Dengan sedikit pengalaman sebagai tukang masak (tukang masak tak bertauliah) semasa belajar di Jepun dan sedikit duit simpanan aku memulakan perniagaan pertama aku di sekitar Ampang… bersebelah an dengan Citroen Showroom. Aku dibantu oleh anak sulung aku.

Hari pertama berniaga aku mendapat untung RM170.00 sehari. Berniaga dari jam 4 petang hingga 10 malam. Hari Kedua dapat RM 120.00 sehari. Hari ketiga dapat RM220.00 sehari…. alhamdulilah. Dan hari-hari seterusnya lebih kurang RM380.00. sehari.

Anggaran kasar pendapatan aku sebulan lebih kurang RM9,880.00 untuk satu gerai. perniagaan aku bertambah maju dalam 8 bulan aku membuka satu lagi gerai di Cheras… dari 2 gerai aku membuka 3..dan seterusnya sehingga sekarang aku memiliki 6 gerai makanan. Pendapatan bersih dari 6 gerai tadi aku memperolehi rezeki dari Allah dalam RM60, 000.00 SEBULAN. Bayangkan pendapatan seorang CEO RM38K sebulan dan pendapatan dari berniaga Kuew Teow sebulan RM60K. Kini aku bersenang lenang bersama-sama keluarga ku. Setiap bulan kami bercuti bersama.

Kini aku telah dapat kembali keluarga ku yang ‘hilang’. Anak-anak aku memang malas nak meneruskan pelajaran mereka. Jadi aku latih mereka berniaga. Merekalah sekarang yang menjalan perniagaan tersebut. Aku cuma memantau… atau lebih kurang jadi ‘chairman’…. dan anak-anak aku sebagai Directornya.

Sekali-sekali aku melihat jam di tangan. Oh, baru pukul 2.30.. lambat lagi nak balik. Cepat la sikit pukul 5.00 bolehla aku berangan lagi… Beginilah kehidupan aku seorang kerani kerajaan…

Laa….hampeh betul citer ni. Mat Jenin rupanyerr…

Monday 9 January 2006

I Don’t Want To Grow Up

I wonder what my purpose of life is.
People always help me, but I can’t do anything in return.
To me, studying is my source of life, but I can’t find anything that is more important.
I can’t walk the hallway which is only 3 meters.
Can’t a human live only with their mind?
Can’t I walk using only my upper half of the body?
I wanna be like the air. The good-hearted person whose kindness overflows and people realize how important she was to them, once she is gone.
I wanna be that kind of person.

Tuesday 3 January 2006

Lack of Passion is Fatal

  1. Darling, the world’s not really against you. The only thing that’s against you is yourself.
  2. There is something beautiful about all scars, whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.
  3. You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known-and even that is an understatement. -F. Scott Fitzgerald
  4. Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your life…you give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness so simple a phrase like “maybe we should be friends” turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
  5. I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we’re together, my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might have never met you.  
  6. It’s crazy because I don’t even know when you became so important to me. It’s like watching a snowstorm. You see the flakes falling, but you don’t realize how they’re adding up. Then suddenly, your whole lawn is covered. All these little things have added up, and you’re my snowstorm.
  7. God causes things to happen at exactly the right time! Your job is not to figure out when, but to make up your mind that you won’t give up until you cross the finish line and are living in the radical, outrageous blessings of God! The more you trust Jesus and keep your eyes focused on Him, the more life you’ll have. Trusting God brings life. Believing brings rest. So stop trying to figure everything out, and let God be God  in your life. 
  8. You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, when you meet them, you think, “Not bad. They’re okay.” And then you get to know them and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality’s written all over it.And they just turn into something so beautiful. 
  9. Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we’re waiting for.
  10. Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.
  11. Today, forget your past, forgive yourself, and begin again.
  12. A heartbreak is a blessing from God. It’s just His way of letting you realize He saved you from the wrong one. 
  13. Someone once told me that some of us are actually afraid of the dark; we’re scared of what it conceals from us. We’re afraid of having something with the potential to hurt us standing right before our eyes and not registering it as a threat. People can be like that too.
  14. Sometimes, I think that the stars  are actually a huge connect-the-dot puzzle, and if we could only find the right pattern in which to connect them, then maybe we could figure out what they’re trying to tell us. And I think that there is a different pattern for every living person, every person that has ever lived, and every person that will ever live. So in a way, we’re all written into the night sky. And we gaze up at the sky, lying beneath our fears and dreams, and futures, and if we could find the right pattern, we might be able to know where we’re supposed to be. But the night sky is bigger than I can even begin to grasp, so I lay down on the damp summer grass amidst laughter and sips of wine, and I trace my finger along the brightest stars I can find, and I smile. The stars can keep the burden of knowing where it is that I will end up, because I am happy with where I am right now. When they twinkle, I think they’re winking at me, like they know something I don’t know, but I don’t mind. Sometimes, I like being in the dark, and right now, I don’t mind at all.
  15. God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect; let me add, God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.
  16. Sometimes, we are so busy chasing the sunlight, that we forget that the darkness is chasing us. 
  17. You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. (Psalm 56:8, NLT)
  18. I am and always will be- the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. The dreamer of improbable dreams. 
  19. Dear best friend, I love you more daily. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you and I wish you could love yourself the way I love you. And above all, I wish your life is everything you deserve because, in my opinion, you deserve the world. I will stand by you forever. My heart will always belong to you.
  20. How do you look at someone you love and tell yourself it’s time to walk away?
  21. Be contented. Yes, there are people greater than her. There are people who are more attractive, more intelligent, more caring, and more fortunate. That’s life- full of temptations. But don’t be deceived by those things. Because didn’t you ever realize that there are people who are also greater than you? Yet she chose you.  
  22. You are loved. You are valuable. You are crafted with beauty and purpose. I treasure you and this world needs you. There is no one like you. You don’t need to look like the rest, or talk like the rest, or be like the rest. There is no truth in the lie that you don’t mater. The world needs you as you are. You are loved and you were put here for a reason. You were not an accident. You are not a mistake. 
  23. Dear future husband,  I hope our love is the kind that I don’t even have to think about. I hope I never have to convince myself to love any certain part of you because I hope it all comes naturally. I hope our love is the kind that is quiet on the outside, but loud on the inside. I want to love you like the space between lightning and thunder- electrified and alive, but silent and knowing. And I want you to love me like clouds love the rain. You’re going to have to let me go on my own sometimes, but I will always come back and we will always be two parts of the same thing.