 |
Looking at this photo again, I can still hear the hum of that old iMac and the scratch of my pen on paper. Music dari YouTube as background, probably some movie soundtrack to keep the brain alive. This was 2011, bah, the year I decided to re-start my Master’s journey. That photo, caught in mid-thought, was from the time I sat down and told myself, “Kalau kau mau maju, kau kena mula balik.” It felt like walking into the deep end — full of hope but not sure if I’d float.
The desk was chaotic — highlighters everywhere, pens hilang-timbul, and printed journals stacked like mini hills. But I tell you, there was clarity in that mess. My thoughts were clearer than ever, walaupun mentally penat. It wasn’t glamorous at all. No fancy tech. No iPads. Everything handwritten, manual search from dusty library corners. That’s how it was done back then. Old school tapi puas hati.
Now ah, semua digital. I switch between Mendeley and Google Scholar, sometimes even ask AI to draft outlines. Senang, laju. But, looking at this old snapshot reminds me that the best growth sometimes comes from the most uncomfortable places. The late nights, the endless rewriting, the sticky notes penuh dinding — those were my battle scars.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell that 2011 version of me, “Eh, don’t worry bah. You’ll make it. Just keep writing. One paragraph at a time.”
Today, I hold a doctoral degree and I’m still writing. Still learning. But that girl in the photo — she laid the first brick. And I owe her everything. I also owe to the people who keep supporting me through thick and thin.
So for anyone who's in that season now — wondering if it's too late to start again — I say this: start. Even if it's messy. Even if it's scary. You’ll look back one day and say, “Nah, this was where it all began.”
— Davelynn D. Rampas