Friday, 28 November 2008

It Hurts To Have The Present & Future

Been busy these few days… Busy apa juga other than driving saja. I also stopped by at Auntie Ann’s place just to meet Kittle and helping her to set up with her new laptop. Tagged along with my 2 other girls – Sasha & Naz. Was supposed to bring along Pippy but she has to head back to KB as her auntie (I guess) is getting married this Saturday. I even planned to treat Pippy during her 15th birthday this coming Sunday as I won’t be around in KK for a week. Not sure lah if jadi atau tidak…

Something’s bugging my mind lately and I’m trying to figure out if ‘m in the right lane or I’m in the state of unable to satisfy the minds of other people, etc. Everyone has their own perceptions and expectations – I can’t satisfy or expect they have the same thinking as mine. I can’t demand them to think like me or even to have my ideas to be accepted… I can only voice out what lies deep inside my heart but I don’t expect people to agree with my ideas. If only I have the power to read other people’s mind… Yeah, I’m forever grateful because I don’t have to be like a Satorare where people can hear what you’re thinking or grieving for God’s sake!

To be frank enough… I’m quite disappointed right now… Well, it’s more than just disappointed! I’m totally frustrated and can’t even figure it out why some people that once are so nice can now just pass by without even saying “Hello” or at least smile. It really hurts to have someone that you know for so long suddenly acts in such attitude. If I did wrong, just please be frank lah. I don’t mind having your piece of mind as well. Anyway… I’m sure you won’t read this because you don’t really know about blogging. It really kills me to know a person who only looks out only when he/she really needs a help. I don’t mind helping people because I believe that helping others is a blessing. However, I just don’t like the attitude of keeping someone who is so arrogant of his/her own self.

I don’t know what else did he/she tell other people who are close to him/her. I don’t care about it because I know that I didn’t do it. Go on and make up all those stories. Only those who have known me for aeons can judge me – Who are you to judge me? Only my parent tell me what wrong has I done, only my uncles/aunties have the power to share their experiences with me, and only my grandparent know what type of person I am. But it so pity that I know you since birth and you finally break heart into pieces. I love you for who you are. I care for you because you are my sister/brother. It really hurts to lose someone that you love so dearly. It nearly kills my soul! You turned away from me – Like I’m a ghost or invisible or (the worst) a BERLIN WALL! Why? Why? Why?!

You may not understand the feeling that I have now… Or you may not be able to understand how hard for me to stay strong though my heart is broken into pieces. I never have the “REGRETS” to know or even to have you in my life, but I totally feel blessed because life is so fair to teach me that there’s no straight road of life, it always full with thorns and deflections. It’s so easy for me to say that I don’t care about you, but do you think it’s so easy to be such ignorance?

You have finally taught me that life is full of CRUELTY, HYPOCRISY, and LIES! And I’m with this stupidness of mine still waiting for you to TALK to me or at least just say ‘Hello’… Just like the old times. I’ve been trying hard to hold the tears… Holding back all the tears, acting like I’m strong enough… I still love you… I still care for you even though it really hurts deep inside of me.

I’m praying that you’ll be success in your studies, my dear… I know that you’ve been striving hard to get the best. Sorry if I do hurt you indirectly or impromptu… I won’t bother you anymore…